have a bloody good halloween

my sister-in-law found this great site that shows you how to create tampon crafts. i love it!

check it out: Tampon Crafts

hello advertisers, the 1950s called, they need their commercials back

i really wasn't going to touch this issue. i feel it's played out and overdone. but i couldn't resist beating that dead horse when i heard "boys. what can you say? they're just built different." BARF!

this is 2007. we have a female speaker of the house, a woman running for president, and men all over the country staying home to raise their young. so why do advertisers insist on bombarding us with these sexist ads? They brainwash young girls into thinking that doing laundry is f-u-n and "taking care of my home is a dream, dream, dream." this is not the 1950s. our dreams transcend baking muffins. the message is clear, girls are sweet and nurturing and love to rearrange that furniture. please!

meanwhile, boys are taught to be strong and brave. they learn that boys will be boys and that they are just built different. this encourages independence and creates an industrious spirit where boys are allowed to become scientists, engineers, tractor drivers. eeeh yikes - so maybe all messages aren't positive.

still. why such a strong distinction between toys made for girls and those made for boys? i know some studies show that socialization has little impact on the types of toys boys and girls select at a very young age. research tries to imply that children are too young to be influenced by tonka commercials. my concern isn't that all toys be gender neutral.

my concern is the advertisements. the commercials that overtly suggest that women are born to be in the home while boys are made for the rough and tumble real world. it is not only inaccurate but has potentially dangerous consequences. we all know what happens when date rape is excused because "boys will be boys."

all i ask is that advertisers throw us a bone. put a boy in the kitchen with suzie so they can bake together. let little mikey play trucks with heather. girls like dirt too.

and another thing. must they always be little white kids? are latinos, blacks and asians reserved for the CW network or telemundo? or do advertisers think people of color are too poor to afford toys?

give us a break ok? at least try to make your sexism (and racism) less transparent.

your ass WILL swallow it

when engaging in anal play:

DO go slowly - start first with your pinky finger only.
DO use lots of lube
DO use toys with a flared base or handle

DON'T stick an entire object up yer ass. you WILL end up in the e.r.

check it out: Foreign Body In The Rectum

slut or self-aware?

the other day i saw a 20-something female walking across the street. she had on the miniest-mini-skirt, patent leather high heels, and a low cut top. my first thought was "oh no she didn't!" but then i found myself questioning my knee-jerk reaction. maybe she was dressed that way because doing so made her feel confident, self-aware, in control. maybe i was perpetuating the messages of our culture at-large, the society that demonizes women who express their sexuality just a bit too much.

women are constantly objectified not only as sex objects but as oversexed objects. it is 2007 in a time when tits and ass dominate our media. but let a woman wear a mini and show off her girls and watch the derogatory statements fly. i know - i threw a few myself.

in this consumerist society, maybe sexy only looks good when it has a price tag attached. women are only sexy when they are selling something. selling beer, selling music, selling make-up. and a woman can even sell herself so long as she doesn't look too slutty doing so. women do it all the time. sell out for that illusion, that american dream, that dream job. women have been using their assets since the beginning of time. so who am i to judge that poor girl walking across the street with a skirt so short i could see she was in need of a brazillian.

shouldn't a woman be allowed to wear whatever she wants? so long as she is doing it for herself, so long as she does so with pride?

i say yes. a woman can dress as provocatively as she likes, so long as too much pink isn't showing. right? even if she is on a southwest flight. i'll take a tight tank top on some hot blonde over some fat ass balding man any day. and yes - i just objectified fat, bald men. sue me.

fucking at 50

how pleased was i to turn on lynn doyle and see a show on the sex lives of women over 50. two female authors talked about the misconceptions our society has about women losing their sex drive as they age. women are not supposed to admit to liking, wanting, or craving sex. women are taught that sex is something we do to please others. the authors explained that women are sexual into their 50s and beyond. one author offered a great tip. she said if a woman has passion in her life, not related to sexuality, that passion will extend into her sex life as well. having passion in one's life is critical. a woman must have passion for self. she must seek out to participate in activities that feed her soul. she must stay true to herself as a woman first. a woman with passion in her life will have a fantasy fucking life. literally.

it gives me hope that we are beginning to see the importance sexuality plays in our lives. now if we can only stop calling women who love sex sluts, we'll be just fine.

remember the sky ride?

i went to six flags last nite. i was overwhelmed with feelings of nostalgia as thoughts from adolescence flooded me. we passed the sky ride (you know those little 2-person cars that fly above the entire amusement park at a snail's pace?) and i recall being a 13-year-old little girl going to the park with my best friends. it was such an adventure to go the park. we would take such effort to make sure our hair looked great and clothes coordinated. our parents didn't know we were there to meet up with our school crushes. or maybe they did and recognized this to be an important part of self-discovery.

back to the sky ride. going on the sky ride meant one thing: make out! but not make-out as i know it today. make-out back then was often nothing more than sitting closely to that boy you drooled over during math. make-out meant sitting so closely on the sky ride that your knees would touch and waves of adrenaline would surge through your tiny body. make-out meant the courageous crush who would slide a hand over yours. almost too much to bear! and every so often, make-out did mean just that - lips on lips and even the occasional slip of the tongue.

but it was just that. THAT was the journey and destination. sex did not enter our minds nor was it the motivation to start the make-out in the first place. the make-out was, in and of itself, the objective.

i miss those days. i miss those days when holding hands meant so much. when sitting closely was all that was needed to know you were going to love that person for the rest of your life (or at least 7th grade!). there was no anxiety or wonder if the sex was good, if you were sexually appealing, if you were sexually competent. no worry if your ass jiggles too much when you're doin' it doggy. no worry if your belly hangs over when you're riding on top. no worry about grazing it with your teeth. no worry that a phonecall won't come the next day - or ever.

it was just sweet. and fun. and intense. and spine-tingling. it was lust. it was love. it was all that.

that's what the sky ride means to me.

use a separate washcloth

the other day, a muslim female client was talking with me about her sex life. she is sexually active and states she is looking for a man who is sexually compatible. she said she has rarely been sexually satisfied. usually she finds men who just cut to the chase and get off (ejaculating AND getting off of her) without making sure she has orgasmed.

"i haven't really had any orgasms in my life."

i asked her if she masturbates. she said she has never been able to do that. she always thought of it as dirty or weird.

well, "do you like your body" i asked. "not really, no," she said with embarrassment. she was very insightful and assessed that avoiding masturbation and disliking her body stems from childhood. her mother made her feel ashamed of her genitals. we weren't allowed to touch or talk about "down there."

"you use a separate washcloth for down there," her mother would warn.

what a message that sends. down there is dirty. don't touch. it's contaminated.

these are powerful messages that stick with each of us as we grow up. while my own mother never explicitly told me not to touch, she didn't give me permission to touch either. she did not tell me i did not need to buy the FDS (feminine deodorant spray) while shopping together when i was a teen. she had massengil in her cabinet, i learned down there needed extra cleaning. i don't blame my mother - she was only doing what she thought to be right. but it wasn't.

i say this all the time. how often have you seen a commercial promising to rid of awful ball or dick odor? probably never, right? it seems preposterous! and really, it is. but we have become so desensitized to women's bodies being objectified, scrutinized, and criticized that we are numb when we see ads selling fresh wipes with panty liners.


it's not acceptable to tell us down there is dirty.

i want to start a campaign to boycott all "feminine hygiene" products that demean women. first stop Always. who's with me?