we've come a long way baby?

yesterday on my plane ride home, i continued reading "sex for one," bettie dodson's book about masturbation. she started consciousness-raising groups in 1973 for women to help them learn about their bodies and sexuality. the sexual revolution was in full swing yet masturbation remained taboo and unfamiliar to women across the u.s. bettie talked about women in her groups who never had orgasms and others who were ashamed to touch their genitals. others still did not know a thing ther anatomy.

fast forward nearly 40 years - are women in the same boat? have we progressed? i wonder. this weekend i am facilitating a sex toy workshop and i can guarantee some women will not know the location of their clits. others will tak about hating to give blow jobs (but givng them nonetheless). and others will be embarrassed to discuss sex at all.

why? many reasons. sex ed is still absent in most schools. conservative ideals dominate this country with oppressive and antiquated notions about sexuality. sex in media is glorified and romanticized. women might feel reluctant to share their stories for fear of being cast as inadequate and less than. women pass judgement and attach the slut label to any women celebrating her sexuality. our sexuality remains repressed.

and when i say sexuality, i don't mean merely the act that happens in between the sheets. i mean the wide rage of sexuality, including our ability to receive love, our love of self, our ability to choose bear children or remaining childless. others are dictating how much, what kind and with whom we have sex.

so i ask you...have we come a long way baby? someone shed some light and help me see the brighter side. please.

some things never change

(disclaimer: this is heterosexually focused. i realize domestic violence happens in same sex relationships and also happens where the female is abusing the male.)

girl meets boy. boy falls in love with girl. boy kicks the shit out of girl. girl gets blamed for staying in relationship. boy gets off the hook.

i didn't think i would have the chance to comment on this story since it happened 2 weeks ago. but today i heard that tomorrow's dr. phil show is on reasons women stay with their abusive boyfriends. come on. that old question still? a woman gets beat up and she is the one who is forced to uprot her life to go stay in a shelter while the abuser's life (often) remains intact. the woman is then further victimized with questions about her absurd decision to remain in the relationship.

why are the choices women (are often forced to) make subject to public discourse?

why aren't we raising questions about the mindset of the abusers? why aren't we watching dr. phil ask the abuser why he continues to beat his girlfriend? why isn't the abuser forced to uproot his life and move into some unfamiliar place with abusers like him?

why is this still an issue? a tired old story.