use a separate washcloth

the other day, a muslim female client was talking with me about her sex life. she is sexually active and states she is looking for a man who is sexually compatible. she said she has rarely been sexually satisfied. usually she finds men who just cut to the chase and get off (ejaculating AND getting off of her) without making sure she has orgasmed.

"i haven't really had any orgasms in my life."

i asked her if she masturbates. she said she has never been able to do that. she always thought of it as dirty or weird.

well, "do you like your body" i asked. "not really, no," she said with embarrassment. she was very insightful and assessed that avoiding masturbation and disliking her body stems from childhood. her mother made her feel ashamed of her genitals. we weren't allowed to touch or talk about "down there."

"you use a separate washcloth for down there," her mother would warn.

what a message that sends. down there is dirty. don't touch. it's contaminated.

these are powerful messages that stick with each of us as we grow up. while my own mother never explicitly told me not to touch, she didn't give me permission to touch either. she did not tell me i did not need to buy the FDS (feminine deodorant spray) while shopping together when i was a teen. she had massengil in her cabinet, i learned down there needed extra cleaning. i don't blame my mother - she was only doing what she thought to be right. but it wasn't.

i say this all the time. how often have you seen a commercial promising to rid of awful ball or dick odor? probably never, right? it seems preposterous! and really, it is. but we have become so desensitized to women's bodies being objectified, scrutinized, and criticized that we are numb when we see ads selling fresh wipes with panty liners.


it's not acceptable to tell us down there is dirty.

i want to start a campaign to boycott all "feminine hygiene" products that demean women. first stop Always. who's with me?