my niece is a humperdinck. much like the despised character in princess bride - this humperdinck is cause of great anxiety and fear. her crime? masturbation. it's true. well over a year ago - my sister called me in a state of panic. "your niece has started humping her blanket!" my sister, steeped in sexuality ed, calmly explained to her then 2-year-old daughter that her behavior was something to be done "in private." yet my niece continued to grind on her blanket like it was her job and she was gettin' paid overtime. my sister did not scold my niece nor let her know how uneasy the whole event made her. (my sister is not a drinker so i'm not exactly sure how she managed to calm her nerves.) instead she named the act "humperdinck" and reminded my niece to do that in her bedroom. now my niece asks for it by name. when my sister tells her it's time for nap, she says, "well can i humperdinck?" that's my girl.
enter me - this sexually progressive, educated, advocate of all sexy things safe and fun. now i'm all for the healthy sexual development of children. but i have to admit, i felt a little on edge when it was my turn to witness that little butt movin' up and down playin' hide the blankie. she was really gettin' into it! man! all these thoughts flashed through my mind. like - did i do that when i was her age? what a little pro! you do you, girl! please stop! i can only imagine what some parents might think when they first realize their little innocents are humping fools.
even though i felt uncomfortable at times, and even though parents likely feel like their child is headed for a life of lascivious doom, we have to remember that touching ourselves feels good. touching ourselves is healthy. touching ourselves makes us better people. masturbation not only helps us relieve stress so we don't go postal on someone. it also helps us learn what makes us tick. meeoww - that feels good, right there.
why would anyone want to deprive a kid of that?! let's hope all kids have the chance to be little humperdincks.
