who says girls aren't down for a ONE NIGHT STAND

last saw i saw some hot girl on girl action. no, it wasn't while watching Age of Love. it was beautifully erotic porn. at the philadelphia gay and lesbian film fest, One Night Stand was shown to a theater of 200 perverts. and it was smokin'!
the flick is in french, which for some odd reason elevates its erotic potential from jump. these hot french lovelies answer questions about their involvement in the film. it let's you anticipate what's to come. and imagine what the hotsa-rosas will look like naked. fucking.

the girls talk about the importance of being in a film that shows how lesbians really have sex. none of this soft, velvet, nipple kissing bore fest. real. hot. hard. sweaty. dirty. pretty. fucking. i couldn't wait.

there were 5 scenes in all (i think. i sorta lost count being the swirly mess that i was.) and they were all, to some degree or other, HOT.

they show fisting. fisting! i thought that sort of thing was illegal to show on the big screen. but these frenchies get away with it. over and over again.
the first scene had a mysterious flare. two hot girls. naked. both put on one black latex glove. that upped the intensity right there. add lube. shiny black glove on naked skin is eye candy to eat for days. and then they go at it. you can hear nothing but the trance like beat playing throughout the scene. the music ends. fisting in full effect. and the moans. groans, sloshy wetness and more groans. i think fucking sounds make up at least half of porn's hot factor.

but these sounds weren't fabricated. they weren't enhanced for the hetersexual male viewer's pleasure. they were genuine. and they were intense.

the other scenes were tingle-producing as well. especially the last one.

my only regret is that i watched this with an entire theater of people. some people have no appreciation for naked girls fucking. people were laughing throughout. obviously people felt nervous and masked that through laughter. don't go to a porn if you can't be a big girl, sweets. watch the porn and wiggle in your seat like the rest of us. one person behind me was actually emitting some awful hot trash burps. way to ruin the fucking, you bitch.

so i figure i will just have to buy the porn. which played more like moving art than cheesy girl-on-girl sex. i want to watch it in the comforts of my own home. and hit pause and rewind. like any pervert should enjoy her porn!

HUMPERDINCK!

my niece is a humperdinck. much like the despised character in princess bride - this humperdinck is cause of great anxiety and fear. her crime? masturbation. it's true. well over a year ago - my sister called me in a state of panic. "your niece has started humping her blanket!" my sister, steeped in sexuality ed, calmly explained to her then 2-year-old daughter that her behavior was something to be done "in private." yet my niece continued to grind on her blanket like it was her job and she was gettin' paid overtime. my sister did not scold my niece nor let her know how uneasy the whole event made her. (my sister is not a drinker so i'm not exactly sure how she managed to calm her nerves.) instead she named the act "humperdinck" and reminded my niece to do that in her bedroom. now my niece asks for it by name. when my sister tells her it's time for nap, she says, "well can i humperdinck?" that's my girl.

enter me - this sexually progressive, educated, advocate of all sexy things safe and fun. now i'm all for the healthy sexual development of children. but i have to admit, i felt a little on edge when it was my turn to witness that little butt movin' up and down playin' hide the blankie. she was really gettin' into it! man! all these thoughts flashed through my mind. like - did i do that when i was her age? what a little pro! you do you, girl! please stop! i can only imagine what some parents might think when they first realize their little innocents are humping fools.

even though i felt uncomfortable at times, and even though parents likely feel like their child is headed for a life of lascivious doom, we have to remember that touching ourselves feels good. touching ourselves is healthy. touching ourselves makes us better people. masturbation not only helps us relieve stress so we don't go postal on someone. it also helps us learn what makes us tick. meeoww - that feels good, right there.

why would anyone want to deprive a kid of that?! let's hope all kids have the chance to be little humperdincks.